Hey there fellow person!
Hi, I’m Graham and I am a person in New York. If you’re old-school New York and prefer employing a person rather than a super-computer or robot then that’s perfect. Here I am. What are the chances of that? It must be fate.
However, I see you. I know you. You’re a modern business person and you’re starting to wonder if a human is good enough anymore. Rest assured my brain is up-to-date, fully integrated with A.I. I am Y2K compliant and bug-free. I’m sat here ready to deploy this power to manage your projects, and create proposals and grant applications in a fraction of the time it took Graham v1.0. Consistently higher quality, faster, and meeting your budget and compliance constraints.
Researching and testing A.I. over the last couple of years has been eye-opening. In my opinion, we’ve reached the point where experts NEED to be using A.I. to remain competitive. If you don’t want to take my word for it, let’s ask A.I. if it agrees with me:
“BEEP BOOP MEEP MORP AFFIRMATIVE”
(Photo: Project Manager action shot. What I might look like when giving things serious thought in your corporate office)
(Photo: A satisfied Proposal Manager. Working from home, getting lots of work done, PLUS some laundry at lunchtime. Winning at life)
(Photo: This is my dog. Do you like dogs? Of course you like dogs. This one is a good boy)
My questionable pricing. Get in while I’m cheap!
Cheap
$50/hour
Is this worryingly cheap? Are you asking “Is this a scam?”
No, it’s not a scam – I just know I can say “No thanks” to you unless it’s a project I want to help with.
✓ Even at these prices I will still have a cheery demeanour
✓ Get me on a short-term project-by-project basis to maximize the cheapness
✓ If things go well I’ll have to put my prices up soon so get in now!
Cheaper
$45/hour
Similar to the ‘Cheap’ package, except you need to persuade me that I would LOVE to support the work that your company or non-profit does.
✓ I might go even cheaper if the outline of your project makes me cry from the joy of what you are trying to achieve
✓ Bear in mind I may counteract with photos of my dog looking hungry and sad to try and increase the hourly rate
Other
$750/hour
Do people scrunch their face up when you tell them where you work? Talk to me.
✓ Weapon manufacturer?
✓ Polluting petrochemicals?
✓ Tobacco?
✓ Privatized prison?
✓ Other awful thing?
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